Mortality
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking today.

I spent most of today trying not to think of my friend’s early departure from this world. To be completely honest, I failed miserably in this endeavour. No matter what I did, somehow my mind wandered back this horrible event. I am upset. I am angry. I am angry that someone so young, someone with such potential was stolen from those who loved and cared about him. I know I shouldn’t be angry. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, but I don’t see what possible purpose this death could serve. I can’t imagine what his family must be going through right now. If I feel this terribly, how must they feel?

Because of this, I have been thinking about my own mortality. I remember when I was little I used to wish I would die so I could see who would come to my funeral. Now I see how foolish I was in wanting this. Ugh, I can’t believe this even crossed my mind. I see how selfish I was, in something like that could only serve my own lacking self-esteem. Never would I want to wish this upon anyone.

The fact that he was only a year or so older than me really makes me think. If this could happen to someone like him, someone who lived a healthy life then this can happen to anyone. I’ve been examining my own lifestyle and I can’t help thinking, geez, this could happen to me at any time, without warning. It scares me. No, it terrifies me. I could step out my door and just drop dead. Ugh, I wish I could just turn off my mind.

I knew that at some point in my life I would have to deal with death. After all, no one lives forever. But never in a million years did I imagine that I would encounter death at this point in my life. My friend had so much more to experience. There is an enormous amount of events that he should have had the opporunity to witness and participate in. I do anything right now if it meant allowing him to be here even if for a few moments.

All I want to do is say goodbye.