If Only…
How many times have we heard ourselves uttering that phrase?

I’m sure that the answer I would solicit from most people would be an astounding “many”. Regret is something that has plagued the human consciousness throughout the ages. It is within human nature to wonder what the result would have been if he/she had made a different decision. Would things be better? Would they be worse? Did I make the right decision? If so, when will I see the benefit of this. If not, what was the right decision? There are all questions which I know I’ve face throughout my life.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am someone who sometimes lives in the past. I know I’m not alone in this act. Waves of nostalgia pass me over from time to time. Last night for example, I was cleaning out my hard drive on my PC at home and I came across an old bookmark file that I used way back in 1997/1998. Going through that list and seeing what interests I had, brought back memories of the events of that time. I would periodically go through my high school and college yearbooks and reminisce about the happy and sad memories I made.

As for the questions, I know I’ve said it many times. Would my life be different if I told that girl that I really did like her back in 6th grade? Or if Lori hadn’t moved away when we were in 2nd grade? Would my circle of friends have been very much different if I had learn to forgive my then best friend in 11th grade? What if I had decided that I would take my college applications seriously and have gotten into my first choice school? How different would I have been if I didn’t go to CMU? If I didn’t have Dave as my roommate and met all these wonderful people who lived near Pittsburgh? Would I have made more of a concerted effort to know more people at school?

Or would nothing be different at all?

I could spend a lifetime examining these questions. However, the result of that endeavor would not be very fruitful. There is no way to determine how different things would have been if a decision had been made in the opposite direction. There are some things in our lives that are out of our control. Friendships hinge on decisions made by both parties. College selection is mostly determined by whoever decides to review an application.

But these questions are no limited to simply big life decisions. Deciding whether or not to spend an extra 5 minutes making a complicated breakfast could be the biggest decision in your life. For if you chose not to do so, you might have been caught in a horrible traffic accident possibly ending your life. After all, it’s the simple things in life which make life wonderful.

Please don’t go out and question every single decision that you make. Your life would not be one of happiness. Stress and doubt will rule every move you make and that is something which will lead to sadness and loneliness.

I am a big believer in fate and destiny. Things happen for a reason. You may not know what the reason is at the time, but everything has a role in the grand scheme of things. This does not mean that we are helpless in determining the course of our life. Our fate is not determined at birth. Rather, I believe that it is something that is which evolves over time changing with our circumstances and the environment. There is a purpose to everything we do. Never forget that.