think, write, share

i’m exhausted this morning, most of it being due to some insomnia as a result of a stupid mosquito and an overly excited mind. so instead of coming up with something original, i’ll post the contents of a slide on “Unhealthy Love” from a workshop I attended last night on Teen Issues. for those of us well past our teenage years, this is still very applicable. these are (just a few) signs that you or someone you know is in an unhealthy relationship:

• feeling consumed in the relationship
• often answering for the partner in conversations
• sado-masochism (either or both)
• extremely afraid to let go
• excessive fear of risk, change, or the unknown
• little individual growth
• very few truly intimate experiences
• playing mind games
• trying to get something by giving
• trying to change other people
• needing others to feel secure or happy
• seeking THE magical solution
• refusing to ever commit
• looking to others for a sense of self-worth
• being afraid when routinely separated
• repeatedly experiencing negative feelings
• being afraid of affection and closeness
• cares with excessive detachment
• frequent playing of “Power Games”

all i have to say is wow, this really opened my eyes.

if you work with teenagers, i have some more resources regarding this and other issues relating to teens (gender socialization, self-mutilation, eating disorders, etc).

after a long, tiring evening tuesday night, i spent some nice quality rest & relaxation time last night at home. i got home a little bit later from work than usual, staying in the office until 4.30pm to taking care of some staffing concerns. after a nice meditation session, i had a nice, easy run going at a slower pace than normal but running a tougher “course” on the treadmill (which just means steeper inclines). i had a nice simple dinner, finished watching the Mets survive and barely winning a game in which they had an 8-run lead, took a nice shower and ended the evening by finishing up The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. and after waking up this morning, i feel great and ready to take on the day.

i have to admit that all this week i’ve been feeling pretty good. it’s been a long time since i’ve felt this content and balanced. my mood has certainly improved and i don’t feel agitated as much anymore. i think a lot of this has been due to a change in perspective and to some normalcy returning to my life.

it’s been a while since i’ve had time to myself where i can just have an evening to myself. a friend of mine came over two weeks ago and while we were sitting on my comfy couch talking, she mentioned that if she needs have one weekend night to herself. i can certainly relate to that. i love being able to spend the evening at home with a good book, good music and on occasion, good company. it helps me keep a balance in a life is often frantic and busy. and i think one of the reasons that i haven’t felt balanced in a while is because i’ve been busy with life and didn’t have any “me time”.

i’m a person who needs his “me time”. i need time to unwind and to just “be”. i’m not one of those people who always feel like they have to be out with people friday and saturday nights or who feel better about themselves when they have people always asking them to hang out. i’m kind of a homebody who would prefer to spend a quiet evening at home with friends over a nice dinner and bottle of wine. some of my best memories of the summer include watching movies at my house and reading books with a friend. i don’t need to go to bars, clubs, etc. i’m done with the “stay out until stupid hours of the morning doing stupid things” phase of my life; my college life was full of crazy stunts, parties where you wake up in the morning wondering where exactly you are and just general mayhem. that’s not to say that i don’t enjoy doing those things every once in a while. i just don’t feel like i need that in order to be happy.

with the summer winding down and fall quickly approaching, this “me time” is going to be even more precious. soon i’ll be busy tuesday, wednesday, thursday and sunday nights with much of the other nights filled with lesson planning, studying and required reading. my travel for work will be slowing down dramatically and that’s affected my mindset very positively; knowing where i’ll be and having some stability will definitely be beneficial to me and to my relationships.

so when i look to the last four months of this year, i see nothing but happiness, contentment and good things

*yawn*

it’s going to be a long day today, not really because of stuff relating to work, but mostly because i only got maybe 5 1/2 hours of sleep last night. now before you start berating me about staying up late doing stupid stuff–i’ll leave it up to you to define “stupid stuff”–let me explain.

i was at church last night until about 10.45pm cleaning out some closets. in the youth room, we have three cabinets where we store our stuff. one cabinet contains foodstuffs, another supplies (pens, pencils, paper, etc) and the last has games. over time, the cabinets become a mess of clutter and disorganization. nancy and i made an effort last year to organize our supply cabinet, but this year we were more ambitious, organizing both the food and supply cabinets. we didn’t really do much with the games, since gina & christine were squemish about cleaning it out after discovering spiders in our other cabinets.

as i was building a bookshelf and watching the bunch of us sort, organize and discard items, i was thinking about how this could be a metaphor for our lives. everyone who knows me well knows that i’m a packrat. i have a hard time letting go of items (among other things) and i tend to be lazy and just shove stuff in boxes or away from sight. if i don’t stay vigilante, my house gets easily cluttered with stuff and over the last two years (especially the last few months) the clutter has become unbearable. and i don’t just mean material things.

throughout our lives, we collect things. we collect material items, friendships, relationships, responsibilities and hobbies, to name a few. we’re often not aware of the non-physical items that we obtain. we find ourselves unwilling and often times unable to shed ourselves of unwanted things. we get stuck in harmful relationships, we find ourselves taking on more responsibilities than we can handle and soon we become overwhelmed with everything that’s accumlated in our lives.

as much as we would like to believe that we have ability to store an infinite amount of things in our lives, the reality is that there’s only so much that we can handle at any one time. it’s important that every once in a while we stop to take an assessment of our lives and do some organization and “uncluttering”. sometimes the process is painful and hard; we often don’t want to end that relationship because it’s always been there, throw away an old childhood memento or spend the time to actually clean out our closets. but the results will always outweigh any hassle that our cleaning causes us. just as our physical closets can only hold so much before the doors burst open and strew its contents all over the floor, our mental & spiritual closets act the same.

over the last two weeks, i made a decision that it’s time to spend some time uncluttering my life. i’ve found myself in places i didn’t want to be, found things that i didn’t want to keep and burdens that I didn’t want to bear. this is something that i go through on a fairly irregular basis, probably on the order of twice a year or so. i need to take back control of my life, as i feel like i’m becoming lost, wandering around without any direction. i need to overcome my mental inertia and just put my mind to the task to clean out those things which were muddling up my life. i need to take back control from outside influences and dictate the way i live. the first order of business will be my priorities. then i’ll work on the house, starting from the top and working my way down.

so then ask yourself these questions: is my life full of unnecessary and unwanted things? when was the last time i performed an assessment of my goals and am i working toward achieving them? what do i need to do to unclutter my life?

et·i·quette n. rules governing socially acceptable behavior

it seems to me that these days people are ruder than in days past. that in itself isn’t surprising to me; what is surprising is that no one seems to care anymore.

technology is supposed to make our lives easier. and as pieces of technology become more prominant in our daily lives society has adjusted to accomodate it: paved roads replaced rut-filled dirt roads, jeans and flip-flops are now common attire for air travel and email is becoming a preferred means of keeping in touch with friends & family. but the one ubiquitous object which gets my goat (so to speak) are cell phones.

with cell phones, etiquette seems to be the last thing on anyone’s minds. people are constantly yakking away on their phones, with no regards to their surroundings. i hear all kinds of personal conversations while on the subway, standing in line at the supermarket and while trying to have a nice dinner out. what’s so important that you need to be on the phone while operating a 2-ton vehicle at 75 mph?

these things in particular (which have all happened in my presence) piss me off:

• cell phones ringing in church and the movie theaters
• people taking phone calls in church and the movie theaters
• people on their phones at the store who won’t pause their conversation when they’re checking out, completely ignoring the poor cashier
• people playing with their blackberrys while at dinner with other people
• people taking phone calls while at dinner with other people - i’ve been guilty of this
• people making phone calls and then disappearing while with other people leaving them alone or with people they hardly know

now most people know that i’m a pretty mellow guy when it comes to things not relating to my beloved NY Mets. but rude people on cell phones are one of those things that gets me visibly annoyed. while i was talking with two friends of mine Sunday night, the topic of cell phones came up and i described an incident where apparently a phone call was more important than my company; i felt really hurt. and when i explained that it bothered me, all i got in return was excuses, instead of an apology. when did this kind of behavoir become socially acceptable?

people are becoming more and more self-isolated. walk through the streets of any city and you see people talking on the cell phones and listening to their iPods trying to shut the world around them out. we live in a “Me First” kind of society where the prevailing attitude is one of self-centeredness. “how will this affect me,” “what will I get out of this,” “how does this affect me,” are questions that seem to be on the forefront of our thinking.

the worst part is that people don’t even notice that they’re doing it…